03/27 - Warmish Wednesday!

Woo! Size buddies! On a date, some total asshat told me that I couldn't possibly be a size 4/6 and 4'9" without being "chubby." I was sitting right in front of him, easily less than 95 pounds, because at the time I was hospitalized monthly from my GI stuff, so I was lucky to eat solid food at all most of the time. I was literally on iv nutrition/fluids outpatient at the time, because I had dropped into the 80s at one point. WAS STILL A SIZE FOUR CAUSE IM A TINY, HISPANIC WOMAN AND MY HIPS DONT LIE! There is no rage quite like a guy telling me I was a liar for using the term slim while I simultaneously had a picc line for my weekly feedings. Needless to say, there was no second date and I took my big butt elsewhere. So glad I can hold down food again...like 70% of the time anyway!

 

Code:

$(()=>{
    let sugarMamaRatings = [4, 3, 2, 1] //Let's be honest, if she's > 4, she's not looking for a sugar baby
    if ($('.penis').length > 8){
        $('sugarmama[value="4"]').match();
    }
    else if ($('.penis').length > 7){
        $('sugarmama[value="3"]').match();
    }
    else if ($('.penis').length > 6.5){
        $('sugarmama[value="2"]').match();
    }
    else if ($('.penis').length > 6){
        $('sugarmama[value="1"]').match();
    }
    else if ($('.penis').length <= 6){
    alert("Maybe try rufies? Idk man.")
        return;
    }
});

 

Wtf, sluts, I did not just spend 10 minutes on this abomination for 0 LOLs and 1 WOW.

 

Out of the blue my husband just said...

Farts are just the ghost of things we eat.

What is happening in my world today? Has everyone gone insane???

 

Found the dude with a micropenis @oldtimeturker

 

If you nurse my MIL back to health, I'm sure she'd be your sugar momma!

Also, YOU ARE FUCKING WELCOME FOR THE WOW! Maybe, if you were more thankful, you'd get more sugar mommas

 

LADIES UNDER 7000 TV REVIEWS SWIPE LEFT

 

Pandas without masters swipe left

 

My ex (kid's father) once called me "a bigger woman" because of my assets. I was a size 4/6 at the time. When I got all up in his shizz for that statement and informed him he would have no access to my bigger girl assets until he explained what he meant, lol. He backtracked pretty damn fast.

And apparently all his girlfriends before me were about size 0, so yep, at size 4/6 I was bigger in his eyes. I was the biggest woman he had ever dated.

 

Please no more, Hannah, I don't wanna work

 

I don't wanna work either.

But I could do some Vicky's.

Old OCMP5's batch dance....

 

Matt: I don't like big boobs at all. Why are yours so big for your size?!

Me: EXCUSE ME?

Matt: ...what?

Me: WHO COMPLAINS ABOUT BOOBS?!

Matt: ...I really thought I was saying that in my head. YOURE SO PRETTYYYYYY!

Some people have terrible taste, ya know? That was up there with the "you're the second prettiest girl in the room!" comment, in terms of stupid shit Matt says out loud

 

I have a comical story about this, but I don't want to traumatize @Tracy Wethington and it's not quite TH After Dark, yet.

 

I deadass thought "homely" meant like, "naturally beautiful" for most of my life.

Until I called my gf "homely" once when she was in sweatpants with no makeup.

I still haven't lived that one down, over a year later.