What do you get if you cross a tortoise with a porcupine? A slowpoke
I can’t believe that even after 15 years, I would still hear people making “Friends” references. No one told me life was gonna be this way.
If you cannot sleep count cows instead of sheep. How do you count cows? With a cowculator
Why can’t pirates finish the alphabet? Because they always stuck at C.
I just confused the word “jacuzzi” with the word “yakuza.” Now I’m in really hot water with the Japanese mafia.
What do camels wear when they go to war? Camelflauge
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I like to advertise my homemade fruit preserves at clubs. Whenever a song comes on, I’ll hold up a jar and say, “This is my jam!”
damn you CT!!!!!
What does Jeff Bezos do every night before bed? He puts his pajamazon
A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “Five beers, please.”
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous. What do you call the horses that live next door? Neighbors.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I try to tell everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes...It's all about raisin awareness
The urge to sing ‘The lion sleeps tonight' Is only a whim away.
A man was sentenced to 20 years in prison when he inadvertently contaminated the food supply of 30 specimens of America’s national bird. His...
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight, Unless you're prepared for the Reaper cushions
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said, "...40...
When you fart loudly on a zoom meeting; Me: Nobody: Zoom: [IMG]
Separate names with a comma.
